We’ve all been there. We’ve worked hard to accomplish something that equals “happiness” based on a definition concocted by our 10-year-old selves. Maybe we have the house, the car, the subdivision, the spouse, and the 2.5 kids that we envisioned having at this age. And yet, despite checking all of the boxes on our perfect life list, something’s missing. I am here to tell you how to start figuring out what’s eating you in three steps.
Disclaimer: I am not a medical or psychoanalytical professional. If you are depressed or in need of professional help, please seek it.
1. Separate what you think is expected of you from what you truly want.
Analyze every major aspect of your life: the job, the relationships, the neighborhood that you live in, the church you attend, everything. Ask yourself the following questions for each aspect and answer in complete honesty: Is this feeding my soul? What joy do I gain from this? Why am I here? How does this feed into the goals that I have set for myself?
More than anything, it is important that you are honest with yourself when answering these questions. Based on your current relationship with your inner being, you may have to approach this from a different angle, which will be explained in the next step.
2. Become your own best friend
You’d be surprised how commonplace it is for us to be more forgiving and accepting of other people more so than we are to ourselves. As you’re going through your analysis and asking yourself those crucial questions, remember to be as accepting of the truth as you would be to your ideal best friend.
The great thing about true friendship is that it often comes with no metric-based standards. Our closest friends are in our lives because we genuinely appreciate their being. We truly love them for who they are, not what they can do for us. Likewise, they care about us because of who we are.
I hope that you can have that relationship with yourself. In order for you to be honest with yourself, you have to be as accepting of you and all of your phases as you would expect of a close trusted friend. At the end of the day, the only person with us our entire lives is ourselves. If you’re not already there, you’ve got to be your own best friend.
3. Seek a professional perspective
Therapy can be an excellent resource if you are having trouble calming your own insecurities. If you wisely choose a therapist and approach your session in a receptive state of mind, you could actually gain a lot from therapy. There is something about explaining your dilemma to an objective ear that is oddly liberating. When you open up and hear your own voice speaking what is on your heart, at times it’s like hearing yourself for the first time.
I cannot stress this enough, the friend or family member that you vent to is not the same thing as a professional therapist. The great thing about a professional therapist that you have no personal ties to is that they can truly see the whole of your situation. The fact that they do not have a personal stake in either side of your story allows them to be the ear that you need.
That being said, it is beyond vital that you do proper research and get a reputable therapist. The therapists that I’ve used weren’t bad. The most interesting thing about my sessions is that I did most of the talking. I just bore my soul and after hearing myself talk I knew instinctively what I needed to do. But the experience was as if I was hearing myself for the first time.
If you are having difficulty getting out of your own head, maybe therapy will help.
By all means, this is not an exhaustive list. After I gained control of my life and decided to pursue what I truly wanted, all of my goals just seemed to fall into place.
I welcome you to visit my travel blog at www.thickfittravel.com to see what life is like when you choose to stop doubting yourself.
Much love! Bye for now.